26 September, 2022

LitStaff Picks: Our Favorite Literary Bastards

Zaphod BeeblebroxUltimate_Hitchhikers_Guide_front
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Douglas Adams

When I think of the great literary bastards, I don’t think of the villains. One can be an utter bastard without being villainous. Professor Severus Snape was a complete bastard despite being arguably the most courageous character in the Harry Potter series. Namor, the ruler of Atlantis in the Marvel Universe, is fearless and brave beyond measure, but when it comes to his personality, the word bastard seems tailored for him.

A bastard is self-serving, self-important, arrogant, and a total jackass to those around him. For that reason, I can think of no better gentlemen to be my favorite literary bastard than the President of the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox from Douglas Adams’ classic Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy series.

His run for the presidency was done almost solely to kill his boredom. He stole the Heart of Gold, the first-ever ship using an infinite-probability drive, for the hell of it. While he does seem to have some feelings for Trillian (the former Tricia McMillan), he also seems mostly unaware of her or her needs/feelings. He’s cordial to his cousin Ford Prefect, who finds Zaphod to be a gas, but when it comes to Arthur Dent, he’s an ass of the highest level. He treats Dent with absolute contempt and when he’s not rude, he’s dismissive of the Earthling “monkey.”

Any situation Zaphod is in, his primary concern is himself and himself only. It can be argued that he’s not necessarily a bastard, but hardwired in such a manner that only allows for self-preservation. I don’t buy it. Of course, he’s entertaining in the series and his exploits make for a great read, but how many people do you run into on a day-to-day basis who are exactly like Zaphod? Not so funny when the person looking out for Numero Uno to the exclusion of everyone else is sitting in the cubicle next to you. Beeblebrox’s incessant bragging and egomaniacal behavior is funny; not so much when it’s your boss.

So Zaphod, here’s to you, you delightfully unapologetic prick.

-Kurt Bali

3 thoughts on “LitStaff Picks: Our Favorite Literary Bastards

  1. You’re on an Alan Rickman tear today. I love him. He’s a fascinating actor, best when he’s playing a bad guy or an ambiguously good or bad character. And I think there were interesting villains in those mentioned, especially Jacques.

    1. Oh, no doubt he is an amazing actor. I really adore him as an actor. Snape, however, is not the hero folks have made him out to be…especially those folks who confuse the great actor with the bastard of a character. 🙂

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