24 October, 2021

LitStaff Pick: Mashups We Would Love to Read

The Twilight Games

Mash-up. Like a piece of wheat bread with strawberry jam slathered all over it, gooping down the sides and making your fingers sticky, slapped together with a piece of rye with corned beef, hot mustard, and sauerkraut. That is nasty, but when I think of a mash-up, I want some gore, something messy and gag-inducing and a “let’s kick this sandwich’s ass” sort of feel to it.

My choices for a literary mash-up are ripped from the shelves of the most popular tomes in young adult literature. In this corner, weighing in at a hefty 118,000 words, full of way too many adverbs, and a main character who couldn’t save herself from a fight with Smurfs, we have Twilight. And in the other corner, representing the welter weight category at a respectable, trim 77,000 words, with tight sentences, an economy of well-chosen words, and a sharp heroine with some bad-ass archery skillz, we have The Hunger Games.

Can you imagine? We’d have Bella running and hiding, trying (and failing) to climb trees and having to be saved by her vampirish sparkler of a boyfriend — oh my God, this might involve more references to spider monkeys — while Katniss builds snares and traps to entangle the well-clad legs of the Cullen clan (they do have amazing fashion sense, you must admit) and hang them upside down until they hiss their way free. Of course, if the (impotent) Volturi show up and throw their long-caped weight around, Peeta can just paint them into a tree and then unleash Cato and the Careers on their pale, undead flesh capsules.

But what about the werewolves? Katniss is fierce with the bow. Can shoot a squirrel through the eye from 20 yards. What I’m most concerned about, though, is not Katniss running out of arrows or the werewolves running at her with such speed that she can’t recover. No, I’d be most concerned about Jacob imprinting on poor, doomed Rue. Yes, Katniss, definitely take Jacob Black out first. He has a “thing” for little girls. *shudder* Creepy, dude. Just creepy.

-Jennifer Sommersby Young

11 thoughts on “LitStaff Pick: Mashups We Would Love to Read

  1. You're not serious right?
    I'm part of the "metaphorical they" partly because I love Austen, partly because I have taste. And this, this is nothing but BS.

    1. To each his own, TubA. We love Austen. We love her language and the beautiful way she connects and intertwines her characters and plots. We also love genre fiction and, yes, that includes zombies and the like. P&P&Z, we thought, spoke to our funny bone and, perhaps, introduced a younger generation to Austen's great works via the silliness of the mashup. Relax. It's escapism.

      1. I'm perfectly calm, thank you, and I bought the book because I thought it would be awesome. I mean Austen and zombies to great things together? It had to be amazing. And I still believe it could have been.
        But it wasn't, it was repetitive, silly, un-funny and completely missed the entire point of the original story.

        But the day someone writes a proper P&P&Z I'll be the first in line.

        1. So did you like 'Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter' ? Perhaps it's just Grahame-Smith's humor you didn't enjoy? I got a chuckle out of it. I also really enjoyed reading our staff picks. There is some great creativity among our contributors. What mashup would you like to see?

  2. I was put of by P&P&Z so I haven't read any other mashups. Don't think I will for a long time.

    The only mashup I would like to see is Seth Grahame-Smiths body in a giant blender with 200 copies of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It would most likely make a nice pink smoothie and the world would be a better place.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.