The Most Absurd Moments from the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’-themed ‘Law & Order: SVU’

PopWatch covered the ‘Law & Order: SVU’ episode ripped the pages of Fifty Shades of svu-Anna-Chlumsky-Roger-Bart.jpgGrey. From the site, “In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. And when those offenses revolve around a bestselling erotic novel that promises to release a woman’s ‘inner Venus,’ they also tend to get especially ridiculous.

If you didn’t catch Law & Order: SVU‘s take on Fifty Shades of Grey last night, you missed out on an hour stuffed with twists, hammy performances, and dry references to nipple clamps. Veep‘s Anna Chlumsky guest starred as Jocelyn Paley, the author of a wildly popular novel that “makes Fifty Shades look like a Disney story.” Broadway (and Revenge) vet Roget Bart joined her as Adam Cain, a blowhard talk show host who rapes Jocelyn, then claims their rough sex was consensual. Sound intriguing?”

Here are a few of the episode’s “best” lines. Check out the full list here.

1. Cain, to Jocelyn when she first appears on his talk show: “I don’t know if I should kiss you or spank you.”

Jocelyn: “Who says you can’t do both?”

2. Detective Rollins, describing a scene in the book that’s similar to Jocelyn’s rape: “In Act Five, the main character is choked with a belt and sodomized. She has like, 18 orgasms.”

3. Sergeant Munch, describing the book: “The prose is pretty florid, although I admire any author who can work kitten nipple clamps and and ‘Albinoni’s Adagio’ into one sentence.”

4. Cain, proclaiming his innocence: “She gave me her panties in a restaurant.”

5. Detective Amaro, after Cain rapes Jocelyn again: “He also probably knows it’s Act Nine in the book — elevator sex. I read the masterpiece last night.”

6. Detective Ice-T, after Munch mentions the book’s Renaissance allusions: “You can put a diploma on it — porn is porn.”

7. Cain’s ex-intern, Katie: “He’s not really a bad guy. It’s just when he gets that belt in his hands, he loses it.”

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